A Changing Heart

Yesterday was my 3rd "chroniversary"!  This year I had plenty of reason to celebrate because I am experiencing a remission and my heart is so full of gratitude.  I know that miracles are real and still happen today.  I promise that miracles are real.  I am experiencing a miracle everyday.

The biggest miracle of all however, is not my remission.  It is my change of heart.  I am no longer angry or upset that I have Chron's or can't eat exactly how I would hope to.  I usually no longer compare myself to all the "unfairness" in life, others health, enjoyment in food, physical capabilities, emotional strength, etc.  Rather, I am accepting.  And yes, even beginning to embrace my current circumstances.  And come what may and love it.  I am hopeful that my remission will be lifelong, but if not, I will love life anyways because God is at the helm.  God will never let me down and he will never let you down.

This week, I biked to the grocery store and was almost moved to tears.  I called my mom while I was there and we ended up reflecting on how far I have come.  I walked past the bread isle, and this time, not longingly for it.  I was actually happy for myself, that this year I can eat rice!  And happy for those who can eat bread and other things and get enjoyment from it.  I have had a change of heart, or I am at least beginning to have a change of heart.  I know that God softens hearts that could not be softened otherwise.  Even when genetics can't explain why I have Crohn's, the only explanation that I need and want is that God wanted me to have Crohn's so that he could mold me and teach me things that I could learn in no other way.

To celebrate the momentous October 17th I started my day off with a run!  So thankful that I could do that again.  Then I went to Chipoltle with my roommates.  And I even ended the night on a date in a malt shop watching others eat ice cream.  And you know what?   I was ok with it.  I even smiled that I ended up there on my chroniversary because I realized that I am much stronger now because of it.  Once I gave up longing for what isn't mine to have, at least right now, I am much happier when I am accepting of what I do have in the very moment.

Looking back I have come a very long way.  And looking forward I have a long ways to go.  I am just very thankful for all the progress that has been made and if it were not for my family and Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father I would not be where I am today.  I am so thankful and my heart is so full.

Happy October 17th!