Through My Eyes

I am typing this as I sit outside of campus on this crisp fall day.  It is a beautiful day today.  And I am full of many emotions.  Today marks 4 years since my diagnosis of Crohn's Disease.  And I feel it is my duty to share what I have been learning from this long yet short journey.

Through my eyes:

1. This can still be really hard, scary, frustrating, and discouraging.  I don't mean to paint that everyday is easy because it is not.  Some days I get sick, but thankfully I bounce back much quicker now.  And it is easy to let fear take hold when I forget that God is in control and not me.
2. Socially, this is challenging.  How do you explain to a friend why you can not go out to get ice cream (or whatever it may be) and how do you spare the embarrassment of the questions that follow about why you can't eat many things.
3. Time-wise this is difficult.  It takes a lot of time to be well and healthy!  Cooking almost all meals from scratch, striving for a full 8 hours of sleep at night while taking 18 credits and balancing a social life and church is hard to do but vital to my health, achieve "remission", and letting go of negative emotions (holding in emotion can make anyone sick) makes me vulnerable but keeps me healthy. 
4. It is still fairly recent.  In just 4 years my life has totally changed.  I am learning to accept my limitations (although few) and learning to re-adjust when my plan may not be what God has planned for me.
5. I am learning that there is not such thing as "normal".  4 years ago I just wanted to be healthy and "normal".  But I am quickly learning that there is no such thing.  We all have something that we are going through.  And because of my challenges, my eyes have been opened to the trials of many others, which is humbling.

Through Gods eyes:  

1. This is just a "bump" in the road.  Crohn's Disease does not define me, nor does it confine me.  
   
   Rather it is shaping me to become the person who God intended me to be.
2. My friends are way more accepting than I sometimes know or anticipate.  I am humbled and incredibly grateful for all my friends and family who are standing with me.
3. When I put God first in my life, all other things DO fall into place.  I don't know how I have been able to run a half marathon, work 20 hours during the school week, get a scholarship, pull many late nights, build relationships, introduce many "new" foods, and heal so fast both physically and emotionally.  The only explanation is that God is the one helping me to accomplish all this, I give it all to him. 
4. Time is relevant only to man.  I know that I have healed much faster by including God.
5. This "disease" is clearly a "blessing in the curse".  When asked by anyone, I would never ever take back this experience because I have learned so much.  I would never want to go through it again, but I would if I needed to.  In 2012, I knew this would be a learning experience, but I have greatly underestimated just what it could do for me and those around me.  And I know that there is lots more to be learned.

On this lovely fall day of October 17th, my "crohniversary", I would like to thank all those who have been so kind to me to help me heal as much as I have.  My family, my friends, myself, my co-workers, my acquaintances, and especially my Savior have all been there for me.  Through my eyes I am so grateful for the moments that have seen this experience through Gods eyes.