My Master Healer, Physician, Listening Ear, and Friend

Today was a day I have been fearing for a long time. I had my appointment with my dreaded GI doctor. I'll spare you from the puns... but even the secretaries shirts read of sarcasm and quite frankly (ok maybe a little funny) GI jokes. I'm not in the mood today, ok?

My case of Crohn's Disease is a bit difficult, just like all autoimmune diseases are. It can be doing well and be barely noticeable if at all, and it can also change and evolve over time. I am smart. But my disease is also smart. Recently, while at work, I came across some very lovely and moving paintings, painted by Nathan Greene, and you can find them here.

What I love sooo very much about this first painting is that it is so incredibly hopeful! As you can see, this little boy is sick and in a wheelchair. Relief and joy and running around like a healthy little boy should is just around the corner. And it is the Savior who stands in between his wheelchair and freedom. Before we expect to become healed, we must first turn towards our Savior who is both our friend and our healer. I know that he can and will quite literally heal all of us one day. For some of us it may be longer than others, but I do know that we will all be healed.

In the Book of Mormon we read in Ether 12:12 that "For if there be no faith among the children of men God can do no miracle among them; wherefore, he showed not himself until after their faith."

I do not know when, and I would like it to be soon, but I do know that I will be healed and I will be feeling better soon. And I believe that I will in this lifetime. Hopefully soon. But, if I do not get better soon, or heaven forbid even at all, I WILL NOT doubt in my savior. Not now, not ever. I will not doubt in him because I feel his love so strongly. I feel it all the time. Especially in the hardest of moments. And I know with all my heart and soul that he has felt exactly what it feels like for me to go through with all of this.

How have I felt of his love?
1) This morning I woke up to several texts from people wishing me well with my appointment.
2) I simply feel hopeful and reassured that I am going to be ok.
3) He has been sending me tender mercies to help me feel joyful.
4) I know that I am not alone, and that we all have struggles.
5) During my hardest moments is when I feel closest to Go.
6) Recently going through the temple with my sister for her first time reminded me of my sacred temple covenants, reminding me that I will be blessed with all things in due time.
7) Peace when I think of my grandpa and the way that he handled his trials. I know that he is with me and he is my role model for going through this struggle.
8) I can still do a lot of things (work, date, teach cycling, have a social life, enjoy life, often be able to enjoy food, etc.) Life is still quite good.
9) I sleep peacefully at night, knowing that God is watching over me.
10) I feel so much support from all those that I know. Thank you.

And it may not come as a surprise to you to read that I do not particularly like my Dr. That is why this picture has been a comfort to me. I often leave feeling frustrated, vulnerable, and like I accomplished nothing. I feel abandoned and that they left me on my own to figure things out. This is incredibly frustrating! But, I will tell you that Dr.'s do have good intentions for you. Although my Dr. may only be a part of the puzzle, they are still a vital part. I know that God is directing their thoughts and our conversation while we meet together.
I am seeking additional help, (anyone know of a good naturopathic Dr.?). But I know that God has given us modern medicine to help us as well. God sees the big picture. And he is the glue that pieces all of the "puzzle" together.

In conclusion, as you read this please do not think that I am incredibly sick. Yes, I don't feel good this summer. Yes ,I am going to be ok. And no, I am not going to put my life on hold. Please treat me the same, and know that I love hearing of your prayers and support. Please invite me to things, and keep being my friend. It really lifts my spirit a whole bunch.

And once again, I am incredibly open on this blog for two purposes. And two purposes only. 1) It helps me to gather my thoughts. 2) I have been told by God that I need to share with others what I am learning.

I know we all have struggles, trials, illness, injuries, broken hearts, the list is endless. So please, please, please, turn to your Savior who is also your master healer, physician, listening ear, and friend. You can find him through prayer. I know he would love to hear from you!