God Lives

Today was a hard day.

I should be asleep.

But I have so much on my mind. So much to be grateful for.

I want to stay soft. I will stay soft.



A lot has changed (again) since my last post. I am sick (again). Not quite as bad as the summer, yet. But I will not let it get that way again. But yeah, it is pretty bad. Oh, and I am getting married in TWO WEEKS!

I want to be a healthy bride. There is so much I want. But instead God is giving me what I really need.

Patience.
Perseverance.
Faith.
Courage.
Bravery.
Humor.
Resiliency.
Tough.

All characteristics that will help me as a wife and mother.

Ugh it hurts. Literally, lol. And figuratively.

Today, my sweet angel mother, and I, braved the literal blizzard outside and took the normally 20 minute drive that became a well over an hour drive.

Downtrodden and making a bee line for the bathroom we stumbled into our appointment to see the PA that we have finally connected with. I have tried so hard to like my Dr.'s and MA's and this is the first. So thank you.

The door knocked and I tried to hold back my tears, anger, and well down right frustration.

"Camille! What the heck? I thought you were doing better??"

"Yeah me too..."

The appointment continued and we received at least some temporary help. I will be figuring this out after the honeymoon, but I want to forget all about it for at least a week.

I was led into a room where I knew I would be poked three times. For some this is not a big deal. For me it is. I receive two shots a week and frequent blood draws, yet it has never became "easy".

First the cold one goes into the hip. "Yow!" That stung. Next the "Big Kahuna" as I like to call my next shot. Obviously it is really big...

My moms eyes glistened with tears. It is never easy to watch your child go through this, I'm sure. And somehow the conversation shifted to God. At this sacred time of year, Christmas time, I try to especially remember Christ, my Savior.

I softly bore testimony, that yes, Christ, a perfect man, was indeed crucified and suffered for all mankind. Myself included. He knows the cold shots. He knows the "Big Kahuna".

In this moment, I felt peace. Total calm really. The kind that only comes from one true source. God.

I thought to myself, and now I am sharing, the only reason I am still soft after being sick for 6 years to this point is because I am being sustained by God. That's totally it. My energy reserves are literally gone. I can't eat anything right now without getting sick and my body is not absorbing nutrients. My brain is literally too tired to be positive. It is through God's grace and mercy that I am being carried. And it is often through the angels that are sent into my life.

I am tired. I am sick. But I cannot go to sleep before bearing my testimony, that God LIVES.

I know this clear as day.

He sustains me.

And He sustains you.

This is all "temporary".

Won't that be a nice day to be resurrected!