Imagine that you are sailing on a nice sailboat. It is a clear sunny day. The waves are calm. The birds are chirping. Everything is good and right. There is not a care to be felt. When all of a sudden, you realize that you are on this boat alone. It is a little startling to realize that just as your boat begins to hit a canvas over and over. You feel trapped and realize that this beautiful sunny day is actually a set somewhat like what you may have seen in "The Truman Show". You become incredibly frustrated and scared to realize that you are in this unsettling situation. Alone. Afraid. And don't know how to escape.
Just as you are trying to figure out a plan, the canvas gets ripped wide open and you see your Savior there on the ground. He is rolling in pain because He is feeling your pain. Actually, He is feeling much more pain and frustration and anger than you have ever felt even when you were alone on the "boat". Once you notice Him, He stops and looks at you and gently informs you that you are safe now and that you don't need to feel any more pain because He is feeling the pain that you don't need to feel. All that you did already feel was necessary for your growth. The rest, He has already taken care of.
You are startled at first but then begin on your way. So quick to recover. So quick to forget. Shielded by so much you don't even know.
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This story is more than just a story. It was a dream I experienced last year while I was going through a very severe Crohn's Flare. To others, and at times to myself, I felt I was on that sailboat. I had a very cute fiance. I was a recent BYU grad. I had hopes and dreams and even didn't look that sick from afar. But inside I was hurting.
I thought that I was the one rolling in pain. I would literally crawl into bed and to the bathroom 25+ times a night. I would call my fiance who was in a two hours earlier time zone when I could not fall asleep because of the pain from Erythema Nodosum on my legs as a results of all the crazy inflammation I was experiencing. I thought I had it bad. So bad. And I felt very very sorry for myself.
On one of the worst nights of the summer, I eventually drifted into a sleep. It was then that I had this dream. This very moment changed me forever. I woke up determined that whatever happened I could handle it because my Savior has already shielded me from all the pain that I didn't need to feel. I then knew that this was all for my good. Whatever happened, I knew that I could take it and handle it with grace.
This story needs to be shared because we all have these moments. You can read more about my dream and last summer here.
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Why am I sharing this?
The short answer is because I know people are hurting and I have valuable experience to share and I am not afraid to share it.
Am I still stuck on that sailboat?
Sometimes. Like last night for instance when I was caught in the trap of googling side effects of Humira. That is one of big big fears.
But I know what is on the other side of that canvas. It is my Savior, Jesus Christ.
I am starting a support group for Utah Valley. It will be officially sponsored and partnered with the National Crohn's and Colitis Foundation. I am hoping to launch in November. Please let me know if you or a loved one is interested. This is intended for those with IBD, caretakers, and anyone who is affected by this horrible curse. I am here to help you find the many many blessings that comes from this curse.
How have you seen your blessing in the curse? Please leave it below in the comments.
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