Chloe's Birth Story

 I always thought I would want to write this post. That is before Chloe was born. I thought it would be this magical moment that would feel so empowering. 

Special? Yes. I got to meet my sweet little Chloe. But it was anything other than magical. In fact, I haven't wanted to talk about it at all but feel this strange pull to finally share the story today. So if you read this, chances are that I will not be ready to talk about it.

Leading up to my due date of Christmas 2020, the Dr's. and I started discussed early induction due to some hypertension and GD. Nothing major. Maybe 38 or 39 weeks. I thought that sounded great to meet Chloe earlier! But then I started swelling. Like MAJOR swelling. I would wake Seth in the middle of the night in a panic because I could not bend my fingers at all. I tried to tell the medical staff that this wasn't normal but they brushed it aside as a normal part of pregnancy. 

This wasn't my first time advocating for myself medically, I have had many chances to do that living with Crohns. 

 Flash forward to November 21st, still over a month away form my due date. Seth was snowshoeing with no cell reception. I woke up to seeing stars and vomiting on an empty stomach. Something was wrong. I called my mom who picked me up. Despite resting all day my blood pressure kept creeping up. Since this was my first time being pregnant I didn't know what "normal" felt like. I felt awful but thought that might be just a 3rd trimester thing, I hoped. That evening despite my best efforts to convince Seth we were headed to Target to pick out a Christmas tree, he decided to take me to L&D because my numbers were still creeping up. I naively thought I would be given some medicine and let go. 

While sitting in the evaluation room monitors kept going off. The cuff couldn't read. I mistakingly thought it was a faulty cuff. But soon staff came in very worried. I met the Dr. he was one of the two I had not yet met. He told me I was being admitted right then and I did my very best to be persuasive to "just be given some medicine and let go". He in all seriousness said that he did not want to be held responsible for losing me or Chloe. The cuff was not broken, my blood pressure was too high to even get a reading. When it was able to read the reading was something like 199/110. 

 I asked to have a moment alone with Seth to say a prayer. We decided to accept and be admitted. Thankfully two people were allowed in the delivery room so my sweet mom showed up to be with me and Seth. I was blissfully unaware of all that happens during delivery and postpartum. I was still 5 weeks out, after-all. 

My biggest wish during delivery was to hold Chloe immediately. The nurses were so kind to make that possible. After that she was quickly whisked away to the NICU for help with breathing and feeding. Seth followed Chloe and I said goodbye to my mom who was not allowed in the recovery room due to COVID. There I lay, all stitched up and lethargic from my magnesium drip wondering if my sweet little Chloe would be ok. 

Between Seth running back and forth between me and Chloe I was beyond exhausted. Nearly 24hr later when I was finally strong enough to see Chloe and hold her with great assistance I started to get my bearings of the situation. Chloe would be staying in the hospital and I would not. 

 Leaving Chloe in the hospital while I leaving with her not in my belly or carseat was so hard. Seth would hold me and tell me it would be ok and then we would waddle back into the hospital to visit her one at a time (we were both not allowed in together due to an absurd COVID rule). 

Chloe thankfully was able to leave the NICU early at 37 weeks on December 3rd. Bringing her home on oxygen is a story for another time. But I am so thankful and starting to come to terms of how scary the situation was. Me or Chloe may have had a different outcome, and I'm so thankful to Heavenly Father for granting us with the gift of life. All throughout my battle with Crohn's I have always fought for Chloe to get here. She is my greatest blessing and I look at her and see God's grace. 

I know that it was my exercising and nutrition that helped me and Chloe be strong and recover so well. I wasn't able to get the steroid shots in the proper time period (I did get them but too close to delivery to take effect) and I know because I took care of myself helped her to be a strong preemie. Health has always been a passion of mine and I am starting my own health coaching for moms because I know how important it is. 

If you would like to be a part of my coaching page and journey as a mom as a proud #IBDMOM follow me on IG @coachingwithcamille 

A Letter to My Daughter, Chloe

 My dear precious Chloe, welcome to the world! How happy I am to be your mamma. I hope to make you just as happy as you make me. Your entrance to this world wasn't the easiest, but you my precious daughter can do hard things! Before I was even pregnant I knew that I wanted to teach you that. In just the few short weeks we have known each other, I can tell that you are a very patient and strong baby who will grow into such an adult. Your daddy and I love you very much! 

You are named Chloe because I have always wanted a Chloe. I love your name. But more than that, I have talked about you, Chloe, for quite some time. You see, when I was very sick in 2018 I dreamed about a little girl I would feed and rock to sleep. I knew it was my baby girl and that you had dark hair. The moment I held you in my arms, I knew it was you Chloe. You brought me through being sick and it was because of you that I knew I would live to be your mother. 

Thank you Chloe for teaching me that my body is incredible. Pregnancy wasn't always easy, and I had my fears about being pregnant with Crohns Disease and while taking a biologic medication. But you knew it and God knew it that I could do it. Despite my body having difficulties throughout pregnancy, here you are Chloe healthy as can be! Your daddy and I jokingly call you "Chloe the wonder baby", because despite all odds you are here and thriving! Not only that but you can already lift your head and could somehow nurse as a 4 lb baby. Crohn's, biologics, COVID, and severe preeclampsia haven't stopped you, don't let anything stop you! Thank you for teaching me the value of taking care of myself through exercise. I know that it strengthened you to be a strong preemie baby. 

I sit here typing this as I peer into your crib. You Chloe, are beautiful inside and out. During the craziest year imaginable you are a beacon of light to so many in the world, especially to your mamma. I will always look at you and remember Gods grace. I often get insane bursts of happiness thinking about how you will be with me and daddy forever. 

I love you sweet little Chloe! I'm so excited to see who you grow up to be. 

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Thank you to all the prayers and help we have received! Seth and I are very grateful for all the help and support we have been recipients of. Having a new baby is no easy feat! And having a pregnancy with Crohn's Disease can lead to all kinds of high risk situations, like severe preeclampsia. More details to come later. But for now, I want to know, what questions do you have about pregnancy with Crohn's Disease? I want to inspire other IBD moms that you can do it too!

30 weeks pregnant! Update and What I am Learning.

 

Wowza! Can you believe it?! I will be 30 weeks this Thursday! Little girl is kicking and getting stronger each day, that's for sure. And I already love her so much. This blog right now is more of a journal of sorts for me, and hopefully if you find yourself reading this, it will help you too in one way or another. Here are some of my thoughts right now. 

I already love my little girl so much: I knew I would love my little girl. But wow, I really love her! I get emotional thinking about how much our Heavenly Father loves each of us so much and how much He is trusting me to be a mom to this little girl He is going to miss so much. It's a little hard to describe, but the closer I get to delivering her, the stronger I feel her presence with me and it's like I am getting to know her more and more with each passing day. When I was very sick, I had several dreams of my little girl. I knew I would survive my flare and live because I was going to become her mama. As soon as I became pregnant, I knew I was having a girl even before the ultrasound confirmed. I have felt that she and I are meant to be together, and it is a very humbling thought to become her mom! I will always look at my little girl and be reminded of God's promise of hope and healing through my sickness. I think it is very fitting that my strong daughter will be born during 2020, the craziest year I've ever lived through, and a global pandemic. Of course she will be born this year! She has already fought so hard to get here and she is teaching me again and again that I can do hard things, and so can she. She is also reminding me that there is always so much to hope for and find joy in, even in 2020. I think she has blessed many lives of friends and family through her hope, and she is not even here yet!

Update on Crohn's: Thankfully, my Crohn's is doing so well! I am thankful to be taking Humira and I know that it is a leap of faith,  but is quite possibly the reason I am alive and able to be pregnant. This medication, though not risk free, is providing my body the ability to stay in remission. I have been able to enjoy food (more on that below) which has been so nice because I have not been able to do that in many years with my Crohn's. My digestion is relatively symptomless, unless my anxiety becomes heightened. I recommend counseling to anyone, especially those with IBD. And taking my prenatal, probiotic, getting plenty of exercise, and sleep is my self prescribed regimen that works pretty well for me. Oh, and learning to trust Doctors. Though scary, (because I like to be in control of the situation), learning to trust others and asking for help has been such a faith building experience and I am being blessed through physical and emotional health through learning to trust. I know I need to keep a close eye on my symptoms though as flaring is more common after delivery. 

Focus on Living a Healthy Lifestyle: Well, I am finally experiencing a "normal" health challenge haha. Not just Crohn's, but something actually quite common. Surprisingly, last week I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. I am really quite surprised! I exercise 5-6 times a week, relatively intensely for being pregnant. And despite indulging in some cravings, eat quite healthy otherwise. And I maintain a healthy weight. This has been some humble pie for me and the test itself was not fun at all. I had to first do the one hour test and then the three hour test. Let me tell you, the three hour test is rough! Instead of 50g glucose it was 100g (not good on the tummy!) and then they do 4 different blood draws and for some reason can't leave the catheter in the arm so I had to get poked on 8 different attempts including a ruptured vein. I think that all my Crohn's testing over the years has scared my veins and blood draws are usually hard for me. I am learning however, that Gestational Diabetes is not my fault and is a pregnancy complication that can happen to anyone. I am working really hard though to improve my diet, which is bringing me back to my health coaching and giving me ideas to share. 

Finding Myself as I Become a Mom: Since graduating, I have had several jobs and haven't quite settled in on my "path". Becoming a mom is narrowing my focus and all else seems to be falling into place. I still have hopes to do health coaching, whether on my own or for a business I do not know. But I know that doors will open up after I settle into a routine with my new babe. She inspires me to chase my dreams, as she is my biggest dream come true. And I would like to share an exciting update that I feel like I am being led to. The support group for Utah County IBD I facilitate is really growing! For more information there find us on Facebook "Utah Valley Crohns and Colitis Support Group. 

Support Group

 I am always amazed when I open up and share anything about Crohn's I am led to find another individual needing help and comfort. Because well, I am walking that path too. It may look different for each of us how we choose to treat our disease, how are symptoms manifest, how we deal with it emotionally, etc. But bottom line (ha, pun intended!) is that Crohn's Disease (or colitis) is hard. It is not fun to live with and it is embarrassing and not really something to bring up with another person. I mean hey, talking about digestive habits is not really the norm. Until I was diagnosed with Crohn's officially, I hid my symptoms for a few months because I felt that I was "gross". And then I got the diagnosis. And I will never forget the first few conversations I had with meeting others who too had similar hidden bathroom struggles as me. Crohn's Disease is quite common yet is hidden SO well. Which is why I am facilitating the support group for Utah Valley. 

Utah Valley Support Group: 

Who: Individuals living with IBD or a spouse/family member

What: We talk and support each other. All ideas are welcome in a judgement free and pressure free zone. There will be frequent educational speakers to discuss related topics. 

Where: Virtually via zoom until further notice

When: The next meeting will be Wednesday October 14th at 7:00 

Find out more about our group: Crohn's and Colitis Foundation Website

Come as you are! Bring your tears, fears, and humor. It is so refreshing to open up and talk about all there is to process about this disease. 

Contact me if you would like to be included on the email list by sending an email to blessinginthecurse@gmail.com

Exercise, Finding Motivation, and the Constant Return

I love exercising! Well, most of the time. (I'm human too!) But yes, exercise has really blessed me during Crohn's flares, when recovering, has helped me keep my weight on through muscle mass, brings me energy, makes pregnancy easier, the list goes on.

But, it hasn't always been that way. For example, when I was newly diagnosed running a continuously slower 5K. At that time I hated cross-country and didn't find my niche. That's when I learned that in order to get the most benefit from exercise, you have to do what you love. 

Since graduating from BYU with a degree in Exercise and Wellness I have learned so many benefits firsthand as I've decided to 'put into practice' what I studied for 4 years. Let me explain a few:

Here I am, sporting my 23 week baby bump! To be honest, noticing all the physical changes in my body has started to get a little bit hard. I have never weighed this much (Yes, I know I'm a healthy weight), and I am growing stretch marks. But I know that growing a baby is a beautiful thing and I am so grateful to be healthy enough to exercise! And like usual, I definitely felt better after todays workout.



Benefits of Exercise: 

• Endorphins: I always finish feeling better than when I started. Exercise is scientifically proven to increase serotonin and other happy hormones! 
• Weight Management: For those trying to maintain or loose weight! It helps your body maintain it's 'set point'. Muscle gain is a big one for those with chronic illness too. And muscle helps increase metabolism for those wanting to lose weight. 
• Increased Energy: As strange as it sounds, exercise really does increase energy. Give it some time and you will notice a difference within a week. 
• Increased Confidence: Even before you notice the physical improvements, taking care of your body provides great reason to feel and thus act confident!
• Conditioning to do Hard Things: There really is nothing quite like the feeling of accomplishment after a good hard workout. 
• Improved Digestion: As long as you don't overdo it, exercise has definitely helped keep my digestion regular and not sluggish. 
• Better Skin: Sweating things out really does clear your skin (and your mind)!
• Motivation to Eat Healthier: If you just worked so hard do you really want to blow it in the kitchen? Eating and exercise go hand in hand. When one improves, so does the other. 
• Easier Pregnancy: Speaking from experience, but it really is helping to reduce swelling and regular aches and pains. Can reduce nausea as well. 

Favorite Workout Resources: 

• fitnessblender.com
• Yoga with Adrienne (youtube) 
• Body Fit by Amy (youtube, prenatal) 
• NourishMoveLove (youtube, prenatal) 

Tell me, what motivates you to exercise? Do you have a chronic condition? How has exercise been a blessing to your illness? What are some of your favorite resources? 

I can do hard things! And so can my daughter!

I knew I wanted to write a blog post today. But some of the thoughts in my mind sound like:

"Are my readers tired of hearing about pregnancy?" (Because that's all I want to talk about!)

"How much should I really share?" (This is a digestive disease after all, and many of my readers don't even have IBD) 

"I'm doing so great, but what about my mini scare, do I share that?" 

And the inner dialogue in my head continues. But then I think of some very bold and brave people who I look up to, and they share a lot. So surely this will help someone. And when it does, please let me know. Hearing how this blog touches just one heart, leads me to keep writing.

So here it goes, ugh sigh..

IBD is here and here to stay in my body for the long haul folks. It is chronic after all. Does that mean I have thrown in the towel or given up? NO WAY JOSE!! Quite the opposite actually. I have accepted it as a part of my life.  Having reminders come up that are like "hi yes, it's me Crohn's and I'm baaack muahahaha" really get annoying after time haha. But annoying is much better than worried. (I'm still working on the worried part too).

And this annoyance about Crohn's leads me into action. To be tough. In fact, I want my daughter to know that she too is TOUGH. I have had this saying all throughout my journey "I CAN DO HARD THINGS!" Which is why my baby is going to grow up knowing that saying in and out. Because she will be able to do hard things. We are sharing my imperfect body together, and she is thriving. And that is HARD! 

Sometimes it's scary thinking about what happens when she grows up and I get sick. How does a mother explain that? Or what about my injections? Will she watch those? Or when I am stuck in the bathroom and she is crying and I can't rush to her?

Yes. That will be hard.

But hard makes strong people. And strong people make the world better. I am a better person because of what I have experienced and she will be stronger, more compassionate, and able to identify the "blessing in the curse" in this world.

This week when I had my fissure rupture or get a rumbly stomach that instantly brings me back to summer of 2018, I was SCARED. But when I take a deep breath, and remember that God is in control and that I was promised this little girl, I'm not so scared anymore. Because I see Gods hand most during those quite moments that still scare me quite a lot. In a very strange way, I almost enjoy feeling some (mild) pain that reminds me of who I am, what I've been through, and that if and when things come up again I will be ok. I enjoy it, because that is when I feel the spirit the most.




(Even her little arm know that she can do tough things!!!) 

I'm working on being more open and sharing my symptoms in a (tasteful) way. But yes, I still get symptoms. And yes, they remind me that I and my daughter can do hard things!
Now tell me, what has taught you that you can do hard things?!

Baby is healthy! Now into full nesting mode!

For those following along, I am 20 weeks pregnant with a little girl! I also have Crohn's Disease and am taking Humira throughout my pregnancy. Because of this, I obviously have some concerns and extra worries. Although I am very blessed and every sign has been good, I had my anatomy scan yesterday and was referred to MFM (maternal fetal medicine, high risk) for a more detailed scan of my sweet little girl mostly to calm my nerves. The Dr. admitted that she has seen several moms on Humira, and had great stats to share and even stories. There is still some risk, which is why I will continue to be monitored closely.

With the happy news yesterday that not only is baby very healthy, she is extremely active and stubborn! Haha my little girl wouldn't even turn to get a profile view. She sleeps with her hands up in the air just like her mom! And the nurse couldn't get enough of her cuteness and I came home with about 20 pictures.

Two years ago all of this would have been no more than a dream. I was SO sick, and thinking about my little girl (Chloe) gets me all teary eyed every time I think about her and my miracle baby (I even have tears as I'm typing this!)

So naturally I came home and went into FULL BLOWN nesting mode!! I moved the bed around (with help of course), went to IKEA, bought some drawer organizers, and was kindly given the glider chair used for my youngest brother.

Pregnancy (and Crohn's) makes me really tired, but sometimes all the excitement of getting ready for Chloe makes me forget haha. I deep cleaned the upholstery on the cream colored chair yesterday and I want to share with you how. I googled and found other blogs, youtube, etc. and came up with my own concoction that worked really pretty well!

I figure if I am googling this very thing, someone out there also wants to learn how. Oh, and most upholstery needs to be cleaned, I learned very quickly yesterday.

The secret cleaning recipe:

-Round One:
-1/2 c vinegar
-1 c water
1/2 TBS. dish soap
(mist onto furniture using spray bottle)

-Round Two:
-stain remover spray (any kind)
-hot water
-sponge
(rub the heck out of the stain remover and hot water using bristle side of sponge)

-Round Three:
-hot water
-laundry detergent
-sponge
(repeat similar to step two)

After that throughly dry out suds and make sure furniture

is completely dry. May sit outside in the sun if needed.




If you try and have success, let me know! I'd love to hear from you in the comments!