L.O.V.E.

What is love? 

Before I answer this question, let me first explain (like I always do) that I am really honest and upfront about a lot of things.  Honest about basically everything.  And I mean like really really honest.  And this time I especially mean it for this post.

This is a difficult post for me to write.  But I hope that it will be a healing post.  And an uplifting post for those who read this (and uplifting for me as I write, too).  And I always love to hear from my readers, but this time I would especially love some comments, etc.

I hope this isn't too personal, and even if it is I feel it needs to be said.  But for the first time in my life I have learned (am in the process of learning) what it feels like to love another individual.  No, I am not talking about the love I have for my family-I have always and always will love them.  But I am talking about what it feels like to love another person.  You  know what I mean.

This summer I got a taste of what it feels like to love someone.  I'm not totally sure who is going to read this, and I won't bore you with all the details.  But yeah, I fell in love. And quite frankly, I still am in love. And yes, I Camille Kemp, will tell you that God sometimes opens and closes doors that we do not understand why he closes (or why he even opened them in the first place).  I am talking about feeling like life has always been really good, but after you have loved someone you got a taste of how great it could be and once he has closed that door you go back to life just being "good" and then you aren't fully satisfied because you feel like your missing half is gone and life isn't "great" anymore.  Like you almost regret feeling that love because you have learned just how powerful it could be and it literally hurts so bad sometimes and makes your heart physically ache and makes it difficult to breath-so you almost regret allowing yourself to feel the love you felt-but don't actually regret it because love is such a wonderful thing that God really wants us to feel.

And I know that eventually this love I am speaking of will be forever lasting for all of God's children.  I know that I will find this love again.

According to God's time table.

And you see, that's the hard part.  It's not knowing when God has these certain "plans" for your life.  For instance, I was fully not expecting to fall in love this summer but when it came I knew that God wanted me to go for it.

So I did.

And I tend to be a person who doesn't readily trust others with my emotions, or even trust my own self with my emotions.  So when I finally got to the point of letting go and letting myself feel this oh so powerful love, it was the most amazing thing!  And just when I started to trust, God said no.  And it ended.  At least that's the way it appears.

As cliché as this may sound... this love that I am describing is wanting the best for others.  Yes, it can be projected at one person.  But when you are "in love" you love everyone else around you.  You are happier, more patient, more kind and tolerant, and quite frankly- more Christlike.  I don't think that you actually can "fall in love" But rather it is a choice.  And yes, this summer I made the conscious and well thought out decision to actually allow myself to fall in love.

And yes, this summer for the first time (But I know it won't be my last) I fell in love.  Because I chose to.

So what is love?
Love is trust.
Love is support.
Love is sacrifice.
Love is time.
Love is laughter.
Love is pure joy.
Love is bliss.
Love is work.
Love is a conscious decision.
Love is a risk.
Love is so powerful it basically feels tangible.
Love hurts.
Love heals.
Love is friendship.
Love is forgiveness.
Love is courageous.
Love is a leap of faith.
Love is listening.
Love is unselfish.
Love is time sped up and time sped down all at the same time.
Love is real.

Do I believe that it is possible to fall in love with more than one person?  Yes, yes I do.  I know that there is no such thing as a "soul mate"  (although that does sound nice, doesn't it?)  But I do believe that God will give us more than one opportunity to love. 

My heart has never hurt so much nor grown so fast as it has this month.  I love a lot of things.  I love God, I love my family, I love my life, I love my friends, I love the experiences I had this summer, and I even love my broken heart (Well I will with time) because it is allowing my heart to grow even more to prepare me to love even stronger one day.

Although it is difficult to see, I know God really is aware of me and of you and of all of us.  He wants all of us to love one another and to feel loved.

I have also been learning this month about a new dimension of love.  God loves us so SO much!  I have always known this, but I am beginning to really know this.  I feel it so strongly.  He is helping me be stronger than I could ever be on my own.  When I am tossing and turning, wide awake so often at night lately, he is there to comfort me.  And he is helping me to "take the high road" and put on my tough face.  I am also so thankful for my families love and genuine support.  This is something I want to create with my own family one day.

And I am ready to heal my heart, so that I can hold onto this love and cast away all this sadness.  God wants us to be happy.

I promise.