Are You Really There?

Right now there are so many facets to life right now that I am having a hard time keeping up with all of my emotions.  School, friendships, relationships, family, trials, love, sorrow, answered prayers, and even unanswered prayers.

To be brief, Monday night my Dad conferenced called my sister and I.  It had only been one hour since returning back to Provo and I was confused why he would be calling so soon.  I answered and I could tell he was shaken.  Once he broke the news to my sister and I that my cousin, just one year older than I, had passed away I could hardly believe it.  I felt so many emotions in just a single moment of time.  Fear, anger, sadness, disappointment, hurt, confusion, pain, and even love.

This love that I have been learning to feel lately is knitting my family closer together and love is such a beautiful thing.

Life has been a whirlwind lately and I felt that I could not take just one more thing.  Completely stunned, I returned to my apartment and attempted to go to sleep.  Thinking upon all that has been going on in my life lately I prayed for the first time that I can remember to ask God if he is really there.

And guess what?  God was quiet that night.

I didn't fret, for I know and have always known deep down that God is really there.  But I did want an answer, I guess you could say some sort of sign to say, "Yes Camille, I am really there and I see what you are going through."

Going through the motions of Tuesday, my prayer was answered time and time again.  I know for myself that God is really there.  He is there for you, and he is there for me.

I know that God is there because he placed a friend in my pathway to give me a hug that night after talking with my family on the phone.  I know God is there because he blessed me to go to institute with wonderful friends that night.  I know God is there because I am seeing him strengthen those around me.  I know God is there because he has answered many of my prayers in very specific ways this week.  I know God is there because he blessed me with the opportunity to speak in church today which helped me focus on what matters most this week.  I know God is there because he is helping me to get some sleep at night.  I know God is there because my stomach has been extremely healthy (which is a miracle in itself) because my emotions are generally what makes me sick.  I know God is there because he is lifting my burdens and I am seeing him lift those burdens around me.

To describe what it feels like to have these burdens lifted is like having a giant cinderblock looming immediately over my head.  It is my Savior, Jesus Christ, who is/has literally carried these exact burdens and heartaches.  And if I choose to, I can feel the weight of the world.  But if I let my Savior carry these burdens, that is exactly what he has been doing and wants to do.

The scripture in Mosiah 24:14-15  describes perfectly how God has really been there for me and my family.

"And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions. And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord."

Yes, life really stinks sometimes.  But that certainly does not mean that God is not there.  I know that he was quiet that night because I knew in my heart all along that God is there.  I don't question it at all because I can feel his love and strength immensely especially during the hard times of my life.