It's Ok To Love Yourself

This is a vulnerable post for me to write. I have been quiet on my blog for a few months or so because I haven't been feeling well. And now as I am feeling mostly better I am typing this. I wish that I had the courage and the openness to write when I'm not feeling well, but that will come with time if needed. I know there are plenty of blogs out there who paint a picture of the negative, sometimes a very real picture. I want to be the voice of positivity. And even with sickness, pain, and all the hard things in life, I too can paint a very real picture of the positive. Quite frankly, the "blessing in the curse". 

My health is pretty stable, but I do have a chronic autoimmune condition. That means that I am going to get sick from time to time. As much as I want to be invincible by myself, I simply am not. But with God, I can become whole again. It is Christ who continually heals me time and time again. 

Here is what I have learned from these months of feeling not like my healthy and energetic self. I need to love myself. Not in the "I will love myself when I am healthy and running lots and eating without getting sick and doing what all the other kids my age are able to do" kind of way. But I need to love myself now. Today. Just the way I am. On my sick days. And on my healthy days.With my sometimes fragile and imperfect intestines. I am not my condition, but it is a part of me and a part of my story. I know for sure that Crohn's Disease has helped me to grow up and has taught me lessons that I simply could not learn in any other way. 

I am a wellness coordinator, which is my dream job. I absolutely love it! At work, I have been studying lately about the connection between illness (specifically autoimmune) and the link it has to those who are hard on themselves. I see huge parallels in women especially who are hard on themselves and who have autoimmune diseases. And I will be the first to admit that even as a young child I have always been tougher on myself than needed. Aren't we all our worst critics? And in a very real way my body is literally attacking itself. And I find that when I am stressed, worried, or anxious that is always when I am sick. 

Recently, I have come to the realization that we often know what is holding us back but we are too afraid to let it go. This is my challenge to you: let go of whatever is holding you back. You know what it is! Perhaps you need to love yourself more, or perhaps you need to forgive someone, etc. Regardless of what it is, LOVE YOURSELF. 

I am not talking about the vain, prideful, and Hollywood type of love yourself. I am talking about love yourself the way Christ loves you. He loves you with all of your scars and imperfections. He knows your potential and so do you. This picture was taken by my dear sister for a project for one of her classes. When she was taking it I had such a hard time with it. I have always liked taking pictures, but this time was different. With tears I kept telling her that "I don't like myself when I am sick". In my head that is not supposed to be who I am. Not ever. But sometimes it is a part of me. Now that I am feeling better, I attribute it to because I have accepted and started to love myself again. I have even joked (sometimes I'm not even joking) about framing a picture of my fragile intestines and loving them just the way they are, haha. I am not saying don't focus on perfection. But I am saying that perfection is a long way away and to love yourself along the process. 

This summer I am going to focus on writing more on my blog. About wellness. About honesty. And about my journey. 

If you would like to contact me, please do so!

And feel free to follow me on instagram @blessing_inthecurse