I always thought I would want to write this post. That is before Chloe was born. I thought it would be this magical moment that would feel so empowering.
Special? Yes. I got to meet my sweet little Chloe. But it was anything other than magical. In fact, I haven't wanted to talk about it at all but feel this strange pull to finally share the story today. So if you read this, chances are that I will not be ready to talk about it.
Leading up to my due date of Christmas 2020, the Dr's. and I started discussed early induction due to some hypertension and GD. Nothing major. Maybe 38 or 39 weeks. I thought that sounded great to meet Chloe earlier! But then I started swelling. Like MAJOR swelling. I would wake Seth in the middle of the night in a panic because I could not bend my fingers at all. I tried to tell the medical staff that this wasn't normal but they brushed it aside as a normal part of pregnancy.
This wasn't my first time advocating for myself medically, I have had many chances to do that living with Crohns.
Flash forward to November 21st, still over a month away form my due date. Seth was snowshoeing with no cell reception. I woke up to seeing stars and vomiting on an empty stomach. Something was wrong. I called my mom who picked me up. Despite resting all day my blood pressure kept creeping up. Since this was my first time being pregnant I didn't know what "normal" felt like. I felt awful but thought that might be just a 3rd trimester thing, I hoped. That evening despite my best efforts to convince Seth we were headed to Target to pick out a Christmas tree, he decided to take me to L&D because my numbers were still creeping up. I naively thought I would be given some medicine and let go.
While sitting in the evaluation room monitors kept going off. The cuff couldn't read. I mistakingly thought it was a faulty cuff. But soon staff came in very worried. I met the Dr. he was one of the two I had not yet met. He told me I was being admitted right then and I did my very best to be persuasive to "just be given some medicine and let go". He in all seriousness said that he did not want to be held responsible for losing me or Chloe. The cuff was not broken, my blood pressure was too high to even get a reading. When it was able to read the reading was something like 199/110.
I asked to have a moment alone with Seth to say a prayer. We decided to accept and be admitted. Thankfully two people were allowed in the delivery room so my sweet mom showed up to be with me and Seth. I was blissfully unaware of all that happens during delivery and postpartum. I was still 5 weeks out, after-all.
My biggest wish during delivery was to hold Chloe immediately. The nurses were so kind to make that possible. After that she was quickly whisked away to the NICU for help with breathing and feeding. Seth followed Chloe and I said goodbye to my mom who was not allowed in the recovery room due to COVID. There I lay, all stitched up and lethargic from my magnesium drip wondering if my sweet little Chloe would be ok.
Between Seth running back and forth between me and Chloe I was beyond exhausted. Nearly 24hr later when I was finally strong enough to see Chloe and hold her with great assistance I started to get my bearings of the situation. Chloe would be staying in the hospital and I would not.
Leaving Chloe in the hospital while I leaving with her not in my belly or carseat was so hard. Seth would hold me and tell me it would be ok and then we would waddle back into the hospital to visit her one at a time (we were both not allowed in together due to an absurd COVID rule).
Chloe thankfully was able to leave the NICU early at 37 weeks on December 3rd. Bringing her home on oxygen is a story for another time. But I am so thankful and starting to come to terms of how scary the situation was. Me or Chloe may have had a different outcome, and I'm so thankful to Heavenly Father for granting us with the gift of life. All throughout my battle with Crohn's I have always fought for Chloe to get here. She is my greatest blessing and I look at her and see God's grace.
I know that it was my exercising and nutrition that helped me and Chloe be strong and recover so well. I wasn't able to get the steroid shots in the proper time period (I did get them but too close to delivery to take effect) and I know because I took care of myself helped her to be a strong preemie. Health has always been a passion of mine and I am starting my own health coaching for moms because I know how important it is.
If you would like to be a part of my coaching page and journey as a mom as a proud #IBDMOM follow me on IG @coachingwithcamille
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